An Historic Event - Barbie Makes Space Flight History! February 2nd, 1997. Primary Launch Facility, Middletown, MD. In what appears to be a first in the annals of space exploration, on February 1st 1997 at 11:30 AM EST Barbie donned flight suit and parachute to change forever her image as a mall shopping, bay watching babe. While Ken attended in spirit, the launch crew of Alexandra, Andrew and daddy set up the pad, fueled the vehicle, suited up Barbie and prepared for Launch. Alex assumed launch control and Andrew counted ... 3 - 2 - 1 - blast off! ... Blast off .... Push the button Alex! A brief pause, and then SHFWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH. Straight as an arrow our fearless maiden was hurtled into the great beyond, reaching an estimated apogee of, say 150 feet (tracking RADAR was out due to excessive solar activity). As the motors shut down, mission control grew silent. The telling moment had come. Would the recover system work as designed? Had the vehicle attained minimum recovery altitude? Or, would the Barbie express execute a ballistic return impacting on the frozen tundra with nothing but our voyagers streaming blond hair serving as an impact absorption mechanism. It was the latter ... The Barbie Express performed what can best be described as the most spectacular lawn dart maneuver known to dolls. The Estes C6-5 engine, living up to its reputation, performed flawlessly blowing its ejection charge a mere microsecond after impact. Barbie went 2 feet this-away and the express went two feet that-away. Miraculously Barbie walked away from the crater with only some dirt stuck in her teeth. The launch crew was ecstatic at her safe return and new found place in history. And yet, that night as the crew recounted the events of the day, a common theme prevailed. "Don't we have a C6-3, or something". Changing the 5 to a 3 would produce an ejection charge a full 2 seconds earlier, surely early enough time for the recover system to engage ... and for Barbie's teeth to stay clean. The next morning a full garage search was engaged, yielding the anticipated C6-3. Now beaming with confidence the launch crew again prepped pad, vehicle, and Barbie, this time assisted by chaotic event specialist, Justin. Again Andrew counted down. Again Alex pushed the button. And again the now familiar SHFWOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHH of the C6-3 filled the air. But alas, this was not to be the perfect flight. In her nervous fidgeting, Barbie had shifted her center of gravity. The Barbie Express flew a graceful arc out of 7910 W. Brookridge Drive air space, over the line of evergreens and back down into 7908's front yard, a-thrustin all the way. As the rescue crews neared, they witnessed the ejection sequence. To their horror, they saw Barbie's decapitated torso go sailing across the yard. The flight surgeons first hopes of an easy repair were dashed upon closer inspection. The plastic neck had snapped, had cracked, it was popped. Alex was stoic. It was as if this four year old comprehended the significance of Barbie's contribution to society. A brief good by, and then she was off to the play set with her brothers. Epilogue: In the evening of February 2nd, 1997 a desperate and experimental new procedure was performed in an attempt to save Barbie. The results stunned even the most optimistic in the community. The flight surgeon was quoted as saying "She's lucky to be alive. Had this happened twenty years ago, she wouldn't be with us. Through the miracles of modern technology and super liquidy plastic glues the recapitation appears to be a complete success ... She's ready to do it again". Designers and crew are investigating necessary structural and procedural modifications, with an eye towards a "perfect flight" before the mud thaws. *********************************************************************** Copyright 1997, Gumas Missile Werks (GMW) Permission to reprint granted ***********************************************************************